


Ready

by kiwifangirl



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN, Angst, Barry Allen Needs a Hug, Gen, The Flash (TV 2014) Season 3, Wally West wants powers, argument
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:22:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22316269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwifangirl/pseuds/kiwifangirl
Summary: They just didn’t get it. Here Joe was, trying to convince Wally to stop seeking out powers. Wally knew, though, that being a speedster and saving people would finally give his life purpose.“But I’m ready!” Wally complained to Joe.“Oh, are you, Wally?” Barry suddenly wheeled on him. He couldn’t take Wally’s naivete any more. He spread his arms wide, tone turning bitter. “You wanna be a hero?”
Relationships: Barry Allen & Wally West
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	Ready

They just didn’t get it. Here Joe was, trying to convince Wally to stop seeking out powers. Wally knew, though, that being a speedster and saving people would finally give his life purpose. It was how he could make a difference in peoples’ lives, like Barry and Jessie did.

“But I’m ready!” Wally complained to Joe.

“Oh, are you, Wally?” Barry suddenly wheeled on him. The cortex became silent at once. All faces turned towards the confrontation. Wally startled, but quickly returned to petulant. Some sharp glares were sent Barry’s way. Barry didn’t care. He couldn’t take Wally’s naivete any more. He walked up to Wally and spread his arms wide. “You wanna be a hero?” He spoke in the same bitter way he did to Zoom last year, the same self-deprecating smile forming on his lips.

Wally was taken aback. This was coming from his hero (yes, Barry had screwed up big time recently, but deep down he was still Wally’s hero). Nonetheless, Wally stood his ground. “That’s why I’m here.”

Barry’s eyebrows rose. “You’re ready for the gruelling training?”

Wally was more than ready – he was eager. “Yes!”

“Ready to take on the bad guys?” Just a touch of sarcasm.

“Of course.”

“Ready for them to beat you within an inch of your life?”

Wally frowned. “…I’m not looking forward to it, but I guess I’ll have to take it.”

Barry nodded a few times, outwardly calming down with each repeat of the action. But something in his expression shifted as he stared into Wally’s eyes, and all of a sudden Barry spoke with a disturbing lack of emotion. “Ready for the torture?” 

“Barry.” Joe warned. 

“Uh...” Wally took a step back. 

Barry took a step forward. “How about the emotional torture? The threats they aim at your life, at your family, let alone picking apart your very motivations for fighting…” He finished quietly… “and your sanity?”

Wally sobered.

Barry was seriously starting to scare him. His intensity was palpable; Wally had never seen him like this. It struck him that this was probably how Barry appeared to his enemies. But alongside the aura of danger, there was desperation, too.

The others around the room were way past shocked. Not even before flashpoint, when they actually talked to Barry outside of Flash Business, did he hint at how badly these… “every day” things got to him. Of course, they couldn’t imagine how it actually felt to be put through excruciating situations when it was hard enough just listening through the comms.

Barry’s voice was low now. “Are you ready for the paranoia when you realise you can’t trust anyone?” He closed his eyes and paced a circle, pointedly ignorant towards the spectators of his grand finale. He walked back towards Wally, took a deep breath, even more done and even more agitated than he already was.

“Looking forward to lying to people you care about to keep this damn secret? For them to rage at you for ‘never being there for them?’ To feel truly alone? Because nobody can understand this responsibility, even if they’re with you through it all.”

Wally looked down, remembering how he had treated Barry before he knew Barry was the Flash. And because he’d been focusing more on the glamour than the toll the gig would take on a person’s soul. Never really considered the toll it took on Barry.

“Are you fearless enough to handle the constant target on your back, Wally? Knowing how many people hate you and want you dead?”

“Are you ready to make mistakes that cost innocent people their lives? And to hate yourself for it?” Barry spat.

“And the weight of the world on your shoulders, knowing countless lives depend solely on what you decide to do?” Barry pointed harshly at Wally’s heart. He was way too close now.

Something dark glinted in the eye of the celebrated hero of the light. As he spoke, it spread over his features until he looked like he could be another earth’s darker version of himself. “Are you ready to be afraid of yourself, Wally, knowing you could kill every person in this room without breaking a sweat, before anyone knows what hit them?”

Wally almost lost his footing as he stumbled back a little more. He opened his mouth, gaping, but no words would come out.

So did the others, who had been entranced, listening in fascination and horror at Barry’s outburst. Yeah, most of them had considered it, but to hear Barry say it… They knew that Barry, in his right mind, would never turn on them. It was a rare moment where they felt afraid of him.

“Are you ready to know how it feels to realise that you’re about to die?” Barry’s voice was low. By this stage, he and Wally were practically nose to nose, staring each other down. Wally was, quite honestly, terrified.

“Or how it feels to watch someone you love die because of you?”

Barry seemed to realise how far he’d gone, how much he’d revealed, and deflated a little, taking a step back. “I wasn’t ready. And at the beginning I was eager like you are. But trust me, if I knew back then what I do now, I would have been perfectly happy to be left without the burden of powers. So, appreciate it.” He stared intently at Wally. He closed his eyes, sighing, and ran a hand over his face. His voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m sorry, man. I just… I’m barely holding it together, Wally. And I would do anything to stop you from feeling like this.” 

He was feeling vulnerable. He hadn’t been this open with his team in a long while. He’d probably never voiced most of the things he’d just said… so much for the ‘fearless leader’ guise. They would all be judging him harshly right now. He didn’t deserve any better, anyway. Plus, they all had their own crap to deal with. He didn’t need to pile his grievances on top when all of it was his fault in the first place.

Wally was staring at Barry in stunned silence. Like maybe he was finally catching what Barry was throwing. Maybe he just couldn’t believe that Barry had just spoken like that.

Of course, even when put so plainly, Wally didn’t have the experience to know the depth of Barry’s words. Nobody in this room truly did, besides the Scarlet Speedster himself. But he understood enough to accept Barry’s hesitance in letting Wally gain powers. And it really did sound like a lot of shit to go through, even ‘for the greater good.’

“Just… just remember how hard it is to do the right thing. All those criminals, those villains, they took the easy way out. It’s hard to stand your ground and fight for justice when it’s so much easier not to care anymore.” Barry suddenly couldn’t meet Wally’s eye. “Apparently, I took something from Savitar. So he screwed it all, welcomed the darkness and came after revenge because caring hurts too much.” Barry looked down and whispered, “It hurts so damn much.”

Wally felt tears prick the corners of his eyes. The magnitude of what Barry had gone through came as a painful realisation. You’d never suspect it, just looking at him. The Flash always held himself with such confidence and ease. Barry was a natural leader. Wally always saw Barry as this sort of unshakeable force that wasn’t fazed by anything and managed in any tough situation, even if he made some stupid mistakes. Obviously, that was only a fraction of the truth; he hid the rest so well. Unless you were looking close enough.

Barry gritted his teeth, looked Wally in the eye again and tried not to let his voice crack. “I’m not a hero. But if you think this is what heroism is, then maybe it’s about standing strong through the pain. It’s about getting up each morning when you feel like the world’s got nothing left for you, because you know that people are counting on you to stop the bad things from happening. It’s about owning your mistakes, and accepting the consequences. It’s about getting up and fighting back when you’re knocked down and broken and left for dead. It’s about holding onto any scraps of hope that you can, and spreading them. So, if you think you’re ready for that, then by all means, keep looking for those powers, Wally. In the meantime, just appreciate how good your life is without them.”

Barry couldn’t face any of the people in this room any longer. He stared pointedly ahead and walked out of the room before running far away, to the top of the tallest building he could see. The perfect vantage point to look over the city. Equally perfect to dwell on the shame of having poured his heart out to people that couldn’t even look him in the eye anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote a couple years ago. It's not the best writing, but I liked the concept. I'd love to hear your thoughts!


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